It takes a lot to take a look at myself and see how wrong I am. I’ve been taking time to really look inward at who I am, how I react, and how I can be better for my partner. Last therapy session, I been told that I’m anxious. I agree. One thing that’s become clear to me is how I have conflict with my partner. When I get anxious, I get defensive. While I can turn the ship around, I feel very uncomfortable with myself, so I avoid it.

But I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want to keep seeing conflict as something to avoid, for myself and my partner. I want to start seeing it as an opportunity to grow, to understand, and to connect. I been working on this for a long time, but it’s just very hard to do. I feel shaky and so angry, it consumes me.

I know I haven’t always handled things the best way. Sometimes I react quickly or I shut down. I brought this up to my therapist and she told me I have to learn to be more patient. I should learn this for sure. I know I’m impatient with almost everything. I feel like there’s not enough time. I think this is because I was a late bloomer and I had to play catch up with lot of stuff compared to my peers. But I don’t want to stay stuck in those habits. I want to pause before reacting and give spaces to our emotions.