It seems we are getting better…. I love that….

We fell asleep with love, woke up with love, and had the whole day full of love. I still know that hard work has to be put in. There were many times where I felt a bit restricted, but I couldn’t figure out why I felt that way… This morning, one of the frustrating was making the schedule for the day. I want to let you know there is always a way to make it work for us. It doesn’t have to be black and white. I hope you understand that.

I know I brought up my concern of wanting to have more time to study and focus on myself and that made you upset. Not because you don’t want what’s good for me but because we would be losing the quality time together. I know this and I absolutely agree and don’t want that either… I am on your side and want to make this work while still meeting your and my needs. I let you know that I can find some time at work during lunch time and what have you to make more time for us afterwards. I let you know I can spend more time with you by distributing study hours throughout the week to ensure your needs are met as well.

I listened to your problems, asked what the problem was before I said anything. I hope you can see I’m improving… I can’t say this in person, because that’d be weird. But here I am…. writing it so you can read about it in the future… maybe…. I am putting in a lot of effort to not give you solutions and listening with intent to understand you fully, inside out, from your emotions, to your worries, to what future you may be seeing… for you… for me… and for us….

I want to let you know that I do love spending time with you, but I do seem to be losing a lot of time from everything else.. Relationships can be unintentionally consuming.. This may result in not getting fulfilled in anything else, which may hurt us in the long run….. I’m not saying you did this. I’m not saying I did this. It’s no one’s fault. Life happens and it has ups and downs. I know you bring up my work…. and the distance I drive… the workout I have….. The study time that I want…. and show me the time we have left…. to let me know you feel lonely…. To let me know how much time is precious to you… I get it…

I love you and I love the time we spend together. Life may not be perfectly linear, but we can make this work. I work to provide us the shelter and the food and the trips and the gifts. It sounds like I’m saying this is for you. But this is actually for myself. I feel like I’m responsible for providing all of this because I’m the man… I know this is the wrong way to think, so don’t worry. I’ll work on this.

I want to continue to work on myself (reading emotional intelligence related books so I can understand every parts of you and the emotions that comes out), I want to study to get better jobs and promote higher, I want to work out because I want to live long and be with you without having to have you and people around me worry about me. I know you know this….. I know you understand this…. But I hope you also understand I also have selfish side of me of wanting this for myself…

It’s not so easy to balance the needs of us… But I’ll try my best… I’ll squeeze in to do everything without losing the quality time. I hope you’ll see that down the road…

I love you….

v/r

I