I’m confused, uncertain, and hurt. The shift from having you being consistently present and engaged to now seeming distant or avoiding really leaves me uneasy. I’m not sure what this feeling is. Is it rejection? loneliness? or worry? Do I feel rejected, because you are not communicating with me anymore? Do I feel lonely because it feels like you want to avoid me? Do I feel worried because this feels like a beginning to an end? I’m frustrated because I don’t understand this shift. I’m confused because it feels like I can’t hear you. What we had isn’t there anymore and I am not sure why….

I know there is a reason for the withdrawal. Maybe this action is a coping mechanism, but it doesn’t fix anything in my opinion… Instead, I just feel hurt. But I also know it’s natural for me to feel a bit anxious about the situation and to crave the connection I previously had. Now… Do I deserve the connection I previously had? Does it feel like what we had was taken from me? Maybe… It’s natural for people to go through ups and downs in relationships. It’s also natural for me to want answers and fix things… But I can’t fix it myself…

I think this feeling comes from somewhere good as well. This feeling of being frustrated and uncertain is a sign that I care deeply about this relationship. I hope you understand that I do care. That I do want to be better.

I feel powerless since I can’t force this.. So here I am. I left for work…. confused… again…. anxious about what will come…. just to come home and find you gone…. and I don’t know for how long…. I think it’s time to talk about boundaries and my own emotional health…

First. I have to respect your space. I need to realize you need space and time to think through your emotions. Second. I realize I have to take care of myself in a healthy way. I feel like I am pouring in the effort to make it better, but feel dismissed, so to make that better, I will pause on investing in this route and focus on myself, so that I can be a better person when the time comes for us to make it better. I’m not saying you are not putting in the effort. I am confident that you are in your own way, but I can’t see it. I trust that you are, because that’s the person I know and love.

v/r,

I