Dear you,

I woke up today feeling sad about the fights we had. Then I saw your face and you looked so tired even while you were sleeping. I didn’t want to wake you, so I slowly left the room to get ready for work. After getting ready, I realized I had plenty of time before I needed to leave for work, so I waited in the hope that you might wake up. But then I had to leave, and it was a little heartbreaking to get a text from you just minutes after I left, saying you had just woken up. I hope the sound of the door closing when I left didn’t wake you.

Today was chaotic at work. I was typing away without properly understanding what I was writing, because I couldn’t focus. I was thinking about us. Our fight. Our situation. Myself. and you. Besides that, I found out today that I might be going to training in Alabama from July 31 to September 5, 2025, and another one in Ohio from May 28 to June 13, 2025. There’s also that business trip from April 5 to 19, which I wanted you to come with, so we could be together. But it’s hard to bring that up now with everything between us. I also took an exam today for that cloud certificate I told you about. You know. The one that I had failed before? Unfortunately, I failed again. What was I thinking? I wasn’t prepared. I was hoping for luck. I know better… This type of exam isn’t something I typically fail at, but here I am… I’m not down because of that though, I can try and try again. What’s more important for me and got me down was us.

I love you, and I want to be better for you. It hurts to see you in pain, it hurts to see you avoid me, and it hurts to feel like there’s distance between us. The lies, the lack of goodbyes or hellos—it all breaks my heart. Lately, it feels like the only communication we have are notes, and it’s crushing. I really wanted to talk to you today, but it feels like we don’t get the time and the space.

After failing and having a rough day, I wanted to come home to you, but I only found a note. I didn’t know when you’d be home. It’s a bit sad. To not know your schedule. To not know when you will wake up and when you will come back.

After some time, you came home. We talked, and I was relieved to see you, but the conversation wasn’t easy. We talked about breaking up, about avoiding each other, and about not knowing what to do. You’re right. We fight, hurt each other, make up, and repeat the cycle, but every time it gets worse. I wish I could make it right. I wish I could make things better. Where do we start? Where do I start? You mentioned you didn’t want to go back into the same pattern. You mentioned this is not what we want in our relationship. I agree.

So here I am, writing this letter to you in a blog. I want to share what I feel, I want to share what I learn, I want to share how I put those lessons into practice, and I want to share my plans with you. Also, I thought it’d be a good place to keep memories, and maybe one day, you’ll get to see it.

With love,
I